I remember looking at my Dad when I was a kid and thinking how he was just the most amazing super hero in the universe. Honestly, there was nothing my Dad couldn’t do. From fixing my bike to doing magic tricks to cheer us all up on a rainy day, he was our champion.
Now, as a father or four, I realise the amount of work and effort my Dad must have put into his amazing powers. Turns out I have a few special powers of my own – but isn’t it exhausting wearing the super hero cape all the time!?
When I was 10 years old, I was given a racing bike for my birthday. It was the most amazing bike I had ever seen and I was genuinely grateful for it (well as much as 10 year old can show gratitude lol). Within minutes I was up on the saddle and off down the driveway – straight into the back end of my parent’s parked car. I lost a tooth that day, but I also learned a valuable lesson in parenthood.
My dad had every reason to explode at me – but he didn’t. He carefully picked me up, and my tooth, then took me indoors to clean up. While I was being dabbed in disinfectant by my mum, my dad was busy in the garage straightening the handlebars on my new bike.
An hour later, and with adult supervision and a cycle helmet, I was back out on my bike. This time I listened to my father’s advice and learned to steady myself. It wasn’t long before I got the hand of it and was allowed to go a bit further out unaided.
My dad showed incredible patience and understanding that day. He knew I was super-excited and focused entirely on that brand new shiny bike. He knew there would be falls along the way (maybe not quite as soon though!) and he remembered that the car in the driveway was just a car – a material object that could easily be repaired.
I try to remember that day when one of my kids breaks a toy or accidentally smashes their bikes into something. The objects they break are just objects – they are just things we bought, and can usually be replaced. What’s more important – a kid or an inanimate object?
Kids are always learning and life is full of obstacles. My dad taught me that obstacles were created to help us learn. Sometimes we need to make mistakes so we can learn from them.
It’s all part of growing up.
Can you remember back to when you were just 10 years old?
I was a pretty quiet kid, happy in my own company, but happy to play with others my age in my neighbourhood. My dad was was strong and patient – some of my other friends dads were loud, some abusive. We instinctively knew who to avoid. I always felt sorry for a few of them who went through really tough times with their parents – but I was just to young to realise what was going on.
Can you imagine living in fear every day of your young life? How selfish is the parent who puts their child into a state of absolute terror?
Most of us keep in touch and I can now see the traits in each of them that were passed down from their parents. Some have turned out fine and are parents themselves. Others have had therapy to undo the mental harm they received during their formative years. Why would anyone want to do that to their kids? Unfortunately it is very common – but so easily avoided if their parents had just took to the time to see themselves as others saw, and heard, them.
Lucky Childhood
Some say I had a ‘lucky’ childhood. But it shouldn’t be thought of in that way. I had a great father, who had a great father before him and so on…
Being a parent is hard and it takes time and patience to do it right. Being a parent requires you to put others first – and I think that is a major stumbling block for a lot of people. Sometimes having kids means putting your own dream on hold and that’s just the way it is. Once you realise this, and see what a golden opportunity you have to shape and mould this little persons future, your priorities will change and you will experience the sheer enjoyment that is being a parent. Sure there will be lots of stressful moments and lots of situations that push your limits, but that’s how we all got here.
My dad will always be a super hero – but he will always be my super dad first. For some of my friends, their super heroes were fictitious characters from TV shows as their own fathers were so bad. How sad is that?
So remember to practice some patience next time one of your kids gets themselves into bother. If it was truly an accident, let them learn from it. If you blow your top – that’s exactly what they will learn too. Try to see yourself with their eyes. Being a kid should be exciting and safe.
The way you teach your kids about life will probably be the way they teach their kids too. If you are struggling with anger issues, go seek help. Parenting can be hard – but we are all in the same boat. Read, learn and talk with other parents. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help.
Your job as a parent is to bring that little person up the right way. Be his or her role model and make them smile.
Now breathe and go fix that bike.
Stephen
